Falling Apart
by Spirit of the Dead
Summary: Having a broken heart feels like the end of the world to any girl. Some of us loose ourselves in it, while others do their best to smile and move on. Hotaru centered. SMYG
1. The BreakUp

_**Spirit-**_ I know I shouldn't be putting out a new story, but this is really for my own sanity. Pretty much what happens to Hotaru in this first chapter and probably a few chapters later, happened to me a couple of days ago. The song that is in this chap I wrote after my boyfriend broke up with me. And it is slightly in German...which I suck at spelling. I was in Germany that's why I incorporated the German.

**_Tenshi_**-The story's going to be a downer for awhile, so bare with it.

**_Spirit_**- Any of you who have had your heart broken know all of what is dispayed here. I hope you all like it. And eventually things will get less depressing.

Pairings- Yami/Hotaru/? (still deciding)

Disclaimer- Don't own Sailor Moon or Yu-gi-oh.

p.s.- for those of you new to my stories, Tenshi is a character I use as Hotaru's long lost twin who is really the Grim Reaper. To know more about him visit my story Tenshi No Kurayami.

* * *

_It is over…_

_It is over…_

_What are you saying?..._

"I'm sorry Hotaru… I just don't love you anymore." He said to her, his crimson eyes looking down at the sidewalk. Hotaru looked at him in shock. They had been having problems lately, but she never thought it would come to this. Yami finally caught her gaze, when she didn't respond. The two had been going out for over a year now, they truly seemed like the perfect couple. And she loved him with all of her heart.

_I don't love you…_

_I don't want you…_

_The words just keep playing…_

"Why? I just-… I don't understand. I thought we were getting better again. I thought… we were happy." She stuttered, her beautiful amethyst eyes tearing up.

"I do enjoy being around you. You do make me really happy. You're like my best friend Hotaru and I know I can trust you with anything. But I just don't feel the love for you that I did."

She didn't want to hear that. She wanted him to hate her. Saying that he still cared, only made her heart hurt more. She wanted him to glare at her and tell her to get lost… She wanted to hate him in return. Why was he making this so difficult?

_You lead me on_

_Was it so wrong…_

_To quit at the beginning?_

_I fought so hard_

_I lost so much_

_That is why I am fading…_

The pale girl let the tears roll down her cheeks. It was no use trying to hold them back. People stared at the two as they walked past. They were standing outside of Hotaru's house. She had left on a trip to visit Kyoto for a week, and when she got back she was greeted with this.

"But I gave you everything… I love you so much… how could this happen?" She wanted to run, to scream. She wanted beat the crap out of him, but at the same tim run into his arms. How could the person who is hurting her the most, also be the person she wants to comfort her? "I…I love you…"

_Es ist aus!_

_Es ist aus!_

_Ich kann nicht verstanden!_

_Didn't you love me?!_

_Didn't you want me?!_

_How can I go through this again?..._

Yami looked away again. " Please Hotaru, I can't hear that anymore. I really hurts, because I can't say I love you back. I don't want to lie to you. It wouldn't be fair to both of us if we stayed together."

So? People went out with each other all the time without loving the other. Inside she knew that couldn't work with them, but she couldn't bare the thought of them not being together anymore. To top it all off… it was her birthday…he had forgotten… He didn't want to hear that she loved him… did he not think this was deeply hurting her? She didn't want to hear this. They had decided to go on a break before she left, to give them time. She was hoping that her being away would make him really miss her and figure out he truly loved her. Now it seems that plan backfired. He hardly missed her at all. He told her he pretty much forgot about her. Even if he doesn't love her, do you just forget about someone you say you care for? He wasn't even apologizing for that…

_You were the reason I got up in the morning_

_The reason I always smiled…_

_You were the light in my darkness_

_The reason why my heart went wild…_

Yami was starting to tear up now. She knew he really did care for her and that he never liked hurting her. Why didn't he love her anymore? Did she do something wrong? She needed a reason. It wasn't fair is she didn't get one.

"Why? Why don't you love me."

Yami looked into her eyes and said sadly. "I don't know…"

"you told me I was everything you wanted! You told me that! How can you not know?" She yelled, anger was beginning to boil up inside of her.

"You are perfect. I know I said you were. That's why I don't know why I don't love you." That didn't make any sense to her. How can there not be a reason? How can you say you love someone one day then turn around and say you don't the next?

_I'm tired of these games,_

_I'm tired of these lies,_

_Tell me the damn truth._

_I don't need any protection,_

_I don't a place to hide,_

_I just wanted to be with you._

Yami sighed. "I can't be here for very long…I have some stuff I need to do… What do you want to do now about us Hotaru? What do you want?" Why was he asking her? He was the one who was breaking her heart. He was the one who decided he didn't love her, couldn't he decide what would happen next.?

"What I want I can't have… I don't know if we can be friends now Yami. It's going to break my heart every time I see you. Knowing I can't kiss or hold you. What if you get another girlfriend…I can't deal with that." She replied. "but I also don't know if I can live without you. It's going to eat at me every day not knowing what you're doing or if you're ok."

_Es ist aus!_

_Es ist aus!_

_Was hast du gesagt?!_

_Weren't we lucky?!_

_Weren't we happy?!_

_How do you expect me to live with that?!_

She wanted to die. She wanted to take her life right there. Death had to be better than this. She wanted to tell him that. She wanted him to know just how much he was hurting her with this. Hotaru knew she couldn't force him to love her, but this was tearing her apart so much. It felt like she was being attack physically on the inside. Something was ripping her up, tearing at her heart and stomach.

"I don't know either. I would like to stay friends. I really care about you. More than I care about myself. I just don't want to give you any hope that I might change my mind." Yami said, leaning o his car, his hands in his pockets.

"You don't break someone's heart then tell them that you care. You have no right to say that!" She cried balling her hands into fists. From the corners of her eyes she saw the hurt look on his face.

_Es ist aus!_

_Es ist aus!_

_Ich kann nicht verstanden!_

_Didn't you love me?!_

_Didn't you want me?!_

_How can I go through this again?!_

Wiping her tears on her sleeve she looked up at him. "I'm not going to call you… ever. I'm not going to text you or e-mail you. If you want to see or talk to me you can call me. If you don't… then I guess we'll never see each other again. It's up to you." With that he nodded. She wanted to kiss him good bye. Had she known before she left that would have been their last kiss she would have made it last as long as she could. It looked like he was expecting some sort of good-bye too. Probably a hug. Quickly she hugged him then turned away and went inside.

She didn't wait at the door like she used to, too wave at him once he was in his car. The pale girl just opened the door and went in. She was tempted to look out the window, but stopped herself. She didn't want to see him drive away and chance their eyes meeting when he made the u-turn to go back to his house. Hearing footsteps she looked up to see it was her twin brother Tenshi. He stood at the end of the stairs looking at her sadly. Without hesitation she ran into his arms and cried loudly. Tenshi just let her cry on his shoulder. He knew his sister was hurting badly. Thankfully their adoptive mothers weren't home from their jobs yet. Hotaru didn't need Haruka commenting that she would kill the King of Games. She also didn't need to hear Setsuna's and Michiru's words of advice that she'll find someone else who will be better for her.

"It's not fair Tenshi! I love him so much!" She cried.

"I know you do." He said softly.

_...It is over…_

_It is over…_

_The words just keep playing…_

_I don't love you…_

_I don't want you…._

_What are you saying?…_

* * *

**Translations:**

Es ist aus- It is over

Ich kann nicht verstanden- I can not(don't) understand

Was (pronounced "vas") hast du gesagt?- What did you say?(literal trans is: what have you said?)

* * *

**_Spirit-_** Well that's the first chapter. I can't really ask if you enjoyed it, cause unless you are a sadist you really shouldn't have. But if you thought it is going to make a good story then I hope you continue to read it.

**_Tenshi-_** Reviews will make Spirit smile, make the author smile and send a review.

**_Spirit_**- Ja ne!

Death


	2. The Aftermath

**_Spirit_**- This story is harder to write then I thought. It keeps making me feel sad every time I try to come back to it.

**_Tenshi-_** After this chapter, not much of it will be relating to Spirits life.

**_Spirit-_** Kind of hard to, since I'm no longer in high school and I'm not a senshi. Though I'm sure some of the emotions will be the same, but everyone pretty much goes through all those weird mixed emotions when they experience heart break. Anyways here's the next chapter.

_**Tenshi-**_ It's a little less depressing than the last one.

Pairings- Yami/Hotaru/Marik(decided he was best fit, it's not Yami Marik though)

Disclaimer- I don't own Sailor Moon or Yu-Gi-Oh

* * *

"Hotaru? … Come on you need to get up." Tenshi said from the other side of her bedroom door. His sister only covered her face with her comforter. The sting of yesterday was still very much present in her hear. She hadn't eaten since the break-up, nor did she get much sleep. The room around her was a mess. She had destroyed it when her anger finally exploded. Haruka had tried to stop her, but Michiru said it would be best to let her ware herself out. The older women checked on her every once in awhile but kept their distance. Tenshi was the only one she was willing to talk to.

"Well, I'm leaving this cereal by the door then. Hurry up and eat it before it gets soggy." She heard him set down next to her door then walk back downstairs. Hotaru didn't budge from her curled up spot on the bed. She couldn't stop thinking about Yami and what could have gone wrong between them. She wanted to call him, but knew that wouldn't help her. The real problem at hand was that she left some of her stuff over at his house. She didn't want Tenshi or the others to go get it. They might try to start something.

Looking at her clock she saw it was 10 in the morning. Knowing Yami he wouldn't be up yet. Most likely not for another hour at least. Sighing she kicked her comforter off and sat up on the bed. Her tv was on and stuck on the image of a little box saying her game was saved. She had spent most of the night playing one of her brothers fighting games. She normally only played them with him, but she needed another way to vent her frustration and confusion. After all, her room couldn't handle much more. Picking up the controller she decided she would play a little more.

No such luck though as her cell phone went off. Looking at the name she couldn't help but hope it was Yami. However, her hope was dashed when she read it was text from Rini. She hadn't told her best friend what had happened yet. She didn't feel like talking to anyone yesterday. So instead of texting her back, she decided to call her.

"Moshi moshi?" Hotaru blinked as the phone barely rang once before the pink haired girl answered it.

"Hi Rini."

"Hey Hotaru! What's up? How was your trip?" Rini's bubbly voice asked.

"It was great. I wish you had been there."

There was a moment's pause. "Hotaru are you ok? You don't sound so good?"

"I… that is Yami and I … we aren't together anymore…"

"Oh sweety are you ok? Do you want me to come over? Bring you something? Kick his ass?" Hotaru couldn't help but giggle slightly at that.

"No, I'll stop by your place. I'm going to need to. I have to go pick up some of my things from his house."

"Sure you don't want me to go with you?"

"I'll be fine. I'll call you when I'm heading over there." Rini agreed and the two hung up. Deciding that it would be best to change clothes as she was still wearing the ones from yesterday, Hotaru went to her closet and got an outfit ready. She picked out a black t-shirt with purple glitter kanji writing on it and a pair of blue jeans. After running a brush through her hair a couple of times she decided she was presentable enough. After all, no use looking too nice for someone who didn't love her was what she thought.

Hotaru looked at herself in the vanity mirror. She had grown since the defeat of chaos 7 years ago. Her hair was slightly longer now, just barely touching her shoulders. She didn't want it to grow any longer. She would end up looking like Mistress 9 then. The pale girl was a little taller then how she was before the "Mugen Accident" as others have come to call it. Still very pale though, and skinny but those were the things that drew Yami to her.

A frown appeared on her face. Forgetting to think about him all the time was going to be tough. Especially since almost everything was reminding her of him. Turning away from the mirror she grabbed her purse and keys and left the room. Quietly she walked down the stairs and looked to see if the coast was clear. She knew her family would never approve of her going to see Yami, but she had to. Not only to get her stuff, but to say a proper good-bye. She didn't know if he would ever call her and she wasn't sure she would agree to see him after this.

Thankfully no one was around. Quietly she snuck out the front door and walked over to her black Mitsubishi Lancer. She got in and pulled out of the drive way. His house was only eight minutes away. Giving her time to think of what she was going to say. She felt a little scared about seeing him. What if he refused or told her to get lost? No, he wasn't like that. He may have broken her heart, but he wasn't a bad person. It's not even his fault. He can't help the way he feels. He can't make himself love her. That's what he pretty much had been trying to do before she left. She could feel that now.

Pulling into his drive-way she got out and walked up to the front door. A sigh escaped her. Before she was able to come and go as she pleased. However, she didn't think it was right to just walk in now. This was no longer her second family. Hotaru knocked on the door and waited. Yami's grandpa answered. She wondered if he knew what had happened.

"Oh, Hotaru! It's you. How was your trip? Do come on in." he said with his kind smile. He moved to let her in and she nodded.

Once inside he closed the door and the two walked to the kitchen. "It was fun. How are you doing?"

"Oh, just fine. Are you thirsty? Would you like me to get you anything? Yami is out at the moment but should be arriving any minute now."

"I'm good thank you." She replied.

He nodded and began to walk out of the kitchen, but before he left he turned to her one last tie. "Hotaru, this is still your house too. You don't need to ask for anything." And with that he retreated to his room. Tears welled up in her eyes. She hadn't thought that loosing Yami also meant she would lose his family too. She loved grandpa and Yugi. She loved begin over at their house and having dinner with them. Even though grandpa had said she could still be at home here, she didn't feel it was right. Grandpa and Yugi did really love her too. Yami had told her that so many times. They always made her feel like part of the family.

Hearing voices outside, she quickly wiped her eyes and headed into Yami's room. It wasn't long before the King of Games entered. "Hey." He said.

She gave him a small smile. "Sorry I didn't call. I just came to get my things."

"Oh, yeah. Here I'll get them." He went over to a shelf and picked up some movies and a stuffed tiger. "Do you know if there is anything else?" he asked handing her the objects.

"My keychain vampire you have in your car."

"Oh right. Let's go get it." The two headed outside. Yami got it out and handed it over. Then they stood there in silence.

Hotaru didn't want to leave just yet. She quickly picked at her brain for something to talk about. "so what have you been up too?"

"Just going to clubs and having a good time." That stung, but she didn't show it. "What about you?"

"I've just been playing video games. Nothing to big… Hey Yami?" he looked up at her, "I want to be the one you come and talk too. I know you like to keep everything bottled up inside and that's not good for you. You hardly talk to anyone. I want you to trust me and come to me if there's ever a problem."

"What if I want to talk about a girl I like." He said in a teasing voice.

She rolled her eyes. "That I don't want to hear about. You have your brother for that." He nodded. "Well, I guess I'll see you around."

"Yeah, you have a good day." Yami said. The two hugged, and then Hotaru got in her car and pulled out of the drive-way. Once the house was out of sight, she let the tears fall. That was so hard. She wanted to fling herself at him and beg him to take her back. Of course, that would probably only make her look obsessive and crazy. Besides, she knew if she stayed too much in his life, there was no chance that he would miss being with her. As the saying goes 'If you want to be wanted, make yourself scarce.'

Rini was waiting outside as she pulled up. She looked so much older now and was three inches taller than Hotaru. Her hair was down to her waist and wasn't so puffed up anymore. Like Hotaru, she had also filled out in places. The pink haired teen wore a white mock, sleeve-less turtle neck, with black pants. She liked wearing sophisticated clothes like that. She came to the presentt to go to school without worry. Everyone in the future felt it was best for her to grow up as normally as possible. The Amazon Quartet were also living there in the present. They had their own little apartment close by and attended the same school.

Getting out of the car she tried her best to smile as Rini walked over. Her best friend gave her a warm smile in return and opened her arms. Hotaru walked into them and hugged her real tight. She sobbed into her friend's shirt. The two went inside and Hotaru told her everything that had happened as they sat in Rini's room. Rini was sitting at her desk while Hotaru sat on the bed, hugging a pink stuffed bunny.

"I still say I should kick his ass." Rini said punching her other hand

"Yami can't help the way he feels."

"I know, but to break-up with you on your birthday is the lowest. Oh speaking of which, here." With that she produced a wrapped box from one of the drawers. "Happy Belated Birthday!"

Hotaru accepted the present and un-wrapped it. She smiled when she saw it was the live action Death Note movies. They had seen it in theaters together and thought it was the coolest thing ever. Hotaru loved Ryuk and L. Rini liked Rem. Both detested Light. (Sorry to Light fans, but I don't like him) She got up and hugged her friend as a thank you. Rini smiled but then suddenly frowned.

"Hotaru, what are you going to do when winter break is over and we have to go back to school?" Immediately Hotaru's smile disappeared. She didn't have the same classes as Yami, but she would most likely see him around campus.

"Thanks for reminding me." She said hanging her head

"I'm sorry!" Rini cried jumping up. "Maybe it won't be so bad though. Our school is big, and there are plenty of places we could go for lunch that Yami and his friends never go to."

Hotaru nodded, but knew it wasn't going to be so easy. Tenshi had told her it was probably best she didn't see him for a long time. It would only make her feel worse. Her mothers told her the same. She doubted she could transfer to a different school. For one that was a little much, and also it was the second semester of her senior year. They probably wouldn't let her graduate if she did that.

A hand was placed on her shoulder and she looked up into red eyes. "You're going to get through this. We've been through so much together. I'm not going to let you fall now. You were always there for me Hotaru, it's my turn to be there for you again."

The pale girl knew what she meant. Rini had also gone through heart break with Perarru. Hotaru had been there to help her through it. She wandered now if she was ever too harsh on her friend. Rini was really upset for a long time back then. Hotaru knew that sometimes she had to force Rini to go out and try to have fun. Now that she knew how Rini had felt, she hoped she had done the right thing. The last time Hotaru needed help was the Mugen Incident. Ever since then she felt obligated to do anything she could for Rini and the others.

"Thanks Rini… Could you do me a favor?"

"Anything." Rini said as Hotaru stood up.

"Could you tell everyone else what happened. I'm tired of doing that. And tell them I don't want to hear their opinions on Yami. I just kind of want everyone to pretend he was never apart of my life. For now anyways."

Nodding the pink haired teen hugged her friend. The two then decided to watch the movies to get their minds off of the subject.

* * *

_**Spirit**_- thank god for friends. I doubt we would last very long without those.

**_Tenshi_**- thats true.

**_Spirit_**- Ok, next chapter: Hotaru must try to avoid seeing Yami at school and deal with new, and much unwanted, male attention now that she is avalible. Please Review! Ja ne

Death


End file.
